Review of When Men Buy Sex, Who Really Pays? Canadian Stories of Exploitation, Survival, and Advocacy
By Andrea Heinz and Kathy King (FriesenPress 2024)
This book is extremely important because Heinz and King thoroughly discredit and correct the illusory image of prostitution that is promoted by the United Nations and others who advocate the global decriminalization of the sex industry.
By describing the price that individuals, communities, and societies pay when men buy sex, Heinz and King expose the fallacies in the UN’s depiction of prostitution, definitively demonstrating that
· prostitution does not qualify as decent work,
· trafficking is an inevitable consequence of prostitution, and
· prostitution is inherently exploitive and destructive.
Before reviewing Heinz and King’s points, it is essential to recognize the United Nations’ campaign to normalize prostitution, which it portrays as consensual, safe employment, entirely unrelated to trafficking.
The UN emphatically advocates decriminalizing prostitution, and UNAIDS has set a target of decriminalizing prostitution in over 90% of nations by 2025.
The UN prohibits the term “prostitution”, insisting that commercial sexual exploitation instead be referred to as “sex work”. According to UNAIDS (2012), "sex work involves consensual acts between adults; and acts involving deceit, fraud, coercion, force or violence do not fall under the definition of sex work."
UNAIDS (2012) depicts prostitution as conventional employment, claiming that "sex work comprises freely entered into and consensual sex between adults, and like other forms of labour provides sex workers with a livelihood. … [M]any sex workers work in situations where there is no greater exploitation than that experienced by many other workers."
UNFPA (no date) portrays prostitution as an attractive form of employment, writing, "Some sex workers enjoy their work and see it as a way to express their sexuality. Others like the income and flexibility. Others view sex work as their best available option to earn an income."
Furthermore, the UN insists that prostitution and trafficking are entirely unrelated. According to UNAIDS (2012), “By definition, sex work means that adult female, male and transgender sex workers who are engaging in commercial sex have consented to do so (that is, are choosing voluntarily to do so), making it distinct from trafficking…. In reality, trafficking and sex work are two very different things…. trafficking in persons for any distinct purpose, including commercial sexual exploitation, should never be implicitly or explicitly conflated with sex work. This is because ... they are clearly not the same."
That is, in the view of the UN, everything that women perform for men in prostitution is consensual; prostitution never involves deceit, fraud, coercion, force, or violence; and prostitution has no relationship with trafficking for sexual exploitation.
It must be noted that the inaccuracy of this portrayal of prostitution is evident in the UN’s own research, which has found that violence by men against prostituting women, men, and transgender people is serious and common. For example, a study by the UNFPA, UNDP, and Asia Pacific Network of Sex Workers in Indonesia, Myanmar, Nepal and Sri Lanka reported,
"The majority of participants in all four sites reported that they had experienced sexual violence by clients. Examples encompassed rape, including being forced to give oral sex, forced to have sex while menstruating, forced to have sex without a condom, attempted anal sex in spite of the participant’s resistance, forcible insertion of objects (such as sticks, eggs, bottles, sharp objects and vibrators) into the anus or vagina, forcible insertion of a penis into a participant’s mouth, being forced to perform sexual acts that participants felt were humiliating and being forced to service more clients than agreed upon. Several participants from Indonesia, Myanmar and Sri Lanka reported being raped at knifepoint by persons posing as clients, and this cut across gender categories.
“In total, more than one third (51 of 123) of all the participants described experiences of gang rape by paying or nonpaying clients (24 female, 11 male and 16 transgender). Gang rape by clients was reported in all four countries, but more so in Nepal, Sri Lanka and Myanmar than in Indonesia. Sexual and economic violence were intertwined in several cases, with participants in all countries across gender categories reporting situations in which they were forced to provide services to more clients than what was agreed or provide more or different sexual services than what was agreed. Several of these cases were not just ‘a deal gone wrong’ but instances of gang rape, even though not all participants (especially male participants) used this terminology." (Bhattacharjya et al. 2015)
The UN’s own research findings demonstrate that the UN’s definition of ‘sex work’ bears no resemblance to the actual experiences of many prostituting people.
In When Men Buy Sex, Who Really Pays? Andrea Heinz and Kathy King present an entirely different account of prostitution. They authors argue that, rather than decriminalizing prostitution, it should be abolished.
Megan Walker, the former Executive Director of the London, Ontario, Abused Women’s Centre writes, “There are no occupation and safety standards to eliminate the violence in prostitution. Prostitution at its core is about men violating women. The best way of ending violence in prostitution is to end prostitution.” (p. 351)
For ending prostitution Heinz and King advocate the Nordic Model, which discourages men’s demand by prohibiting the purchase of sex, while simultaneously reducing structural drivers that compel women to sell sex for survival and increasing assistance to exit prostitution.
Heinz and King make it clear that the UN’s portrayal of prostitution grossly misrepresents what women routinely experience in paid sexual encounters, beginning with the UN’s assertion that prostitution is just a job.
Heinz and King write that prostitution does not qualify as decent or acceptable work, because “the four interdependent components of decent work—dignity, equality, fair income, and safe working conditions—are generally deficient in ‘sex work’.” (p. 118-19)
Heinz and King also explain that trafficking is an inevitable consequence of society’s acceptance of ‘sex work’. They write, “Tolerance of commercial sex increases demand, which fuels trafficking. … [D]ecriminalization (of prostitution) and tolerance of the purchase of sexual ‘services’ creates a fertile breeding ground for trafficking,” ( p. 219) because “there are not, and never will be, enough voluntary sellers to meet existing consumer demands for sexual ‘services’.” (p. 10) “There will never be enough “happy hookers” to make the sex industry ethical.” (p. 51) In other words, “There will never be enough providers to voluntarily meet consumer demands. That is why trafficking happens.” (p. 76)
Heinz and King make four key points. I have summarized them with the following excerpts:
1. “Our first point is that all sex sellers deserve compassion. Our intent is to shift attention to the underlying causes that allow buyer/seller inequities and to promote more respectful connections.”
2. “Harm reduction is not a sufficient response. Society has an obligation to address root causes. Real measures are needed to address poverty and inequality, which are both the cause and consequence of prostitution.”
“To totally address trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation, it’s critical to address the systemic factors that make women and girls vulnerable. These include poverty, gender inequity, racism, child sexual abuse, and the lack of educational and employment opportunities for women and girls globally…. Better social nets need to be established for marginalized citizens so they have real options for shelter and security.” (p. 131)
3. “Increased tolerance of commercial sex increases the demand, which fuels trafficking.” (p. 218) That is why decriminalization will only exacerbate the problems inherent to prostitution. Instead of decriminalization, we need a demand-reduction approach. Demand reduction is key to making society more equal. “We promote the courage to move toward abolition and the elimination of commercial sex by ensuring economic and social equality for all citizens.” (p. 219)
4. We need political will to shift attitudes, to ensure economic equality, and to hold buyers accountable for the harm they cause….Prevention of exploitation means ensuring that basic needs are provided for all citizens.” (pp. 220–21)
Who really pays when men buy sex?
To answer the question in the book’s title, Heinz and King write, “Who really pays when the commercial sex industry is allowed to flourish unchecked? Those being sold pay with their health and happiness, families pay with heartbreak and helplessness, buyers and traffickers pay with shallow and compulsive lives, communities pay with danger and deception, and the world weeps with tears of shame and sorrow.” (p. 226)
The price that women pay when men buy sex is described by Ingeborg Kraus, a clinical psychologist and an expert on psychotraumatology:
“When a woman allows strangers to penetrate her body, she must extinguish natural responses such as fear, shame, disgust, contempt, and self-blame. The resulting dissociation causes body numbness and distortions in memory and awareness. Revulsion is replaced with feigned indifference and neutrality in return for compensation. Long-term consequences to sellers include addictions, depression, isolation, fear, or trauma bonding with their offenders.” (p. 26)
Wendy, who was trafficked for sexual exploitation in Canada, describes the price that she paid:
“There are physical ramifications from the abuse I suffered. Many bladder and kidney infections resulted in scar tissue that affects their functions. I had to undergo multiple surgical procedures and have permanent damage. Years of blood tests and worry about HIV and Hep C. Missing teeth from being punched and teeth damaged. Debilitating headaches from stress, anxiety, and insomnia. I am also certain that having my head punched, smashed off the steel frame of a bed, floors, and walls have contributed to the chronic headaches. Scars from injuries during beatings add to the list. Constant nausea and fatigue.” (p. 290)
Maria, who was a nursing student when she began prostitution, experienced self-loathing:
“Trying to sleep was the worst. I started mixing alcohol with Ativan. That’s when I couldn’t escape myself, my thoughts, the violent disgust that shrieked inside my head. Relentlessly tormenting me and telling me what a worthless scum bag I was. I didn’t deserve to live; I was a whore.” (p. 275)
Survivor testimonies starkly contradict the UN’s portrayal of prostitution. The UN doesn’t publish survivor testimonies, because the decriminalization of prostitution becomes an untenable proposition when survivors’ experiences are recounted.
Heinz and King write, “An obvious resolution to the debate about the reality of sex selling is to listen to those who have exited or survived. Those with lived experience can speak retrospectively, free of rose-colored glasses. They generally portray a more meticulous and realistic analysis of what they endured, whereas active ‘sex workers’ tend to be defiant and defensive.” (p. 115)
“Survivor stories are seldom told because much of the ‘business’ must be concealed and denied for it to continue. Public relation campaigns do not mention the torment and suffering of sex sellers, nor the high rates of suicide and murder. Profiteers deny information on the ordeals of those being sold to the public to protect the monstrous profits of pimps and traffickers (Farley 2006). Only in speaking the unspeakable can we render culturally visible the disgusting abuse sellers (of sex) face daily.” (pp. 17-18)
Survivor testimonies contradict and disprove the assertions/claims of decriminalization’s enthusiasts, who insist that prostitution is harmless and rewarding employment.
Andrea Heinz recounted her experience in prostitution.
“’It’s a job like any other,’ I was told.
The first man I saw forced sex acts on me that I was uncomfortable with.
Most of the men were married with children and were two, if not three (or four) times my age.
Men were repulsively unhygienic–refusing to shower beforehand, wanting to finger me with dirty long nails, breathing rancid breath two inches from my face as the smell of their body odour filled the room.
Men would arrive with skin tags, warts, ringworm, oozing sores, and other unknown rashes or bumps. They’d try to conceal it with dim lighting or excuse it as ‘irritation from shaving.’
Men frequently tried to remove condoms; there was no shortage pressuring me for a blow job without a condom. That happened daily.
Men would film me and photograph me without my consent.
Men would choke me regularly.
Men would frequently make sexual references to children. ‘You’re a good girl,’ was repeated countless times, and a schoolgirl outfit was a top request.
Men would make sexual references to animals and request urine/fecal play.
The dehumanizing and demeaning remarks were so hard on my spirit that I learned to dissociate as soon as my clothes came off. Many nights I would cry in my bed before falling asleep.” (pp. 26-27)
Maria, who was a nursing student, describes what it is like being new to prostitution.
“It turns out that when you are new to the business, every creep and perverted weirdo patrolling the review boards wants to come take the new ride for a spin. Because that’s all you are–a product experience. They know that you’re naïve and scared. They want to try their bullshit on someone new. Try to convince you to undercut the other girls, blow them without a condom, kiss their disgusting mouths, slip the condom off, choke you out, hurt you, traumatize you. Whatever they think they can get away with, they’ll try it.
“Fortunately for me, through sick and twisted fate, I was selling my body alongside one of my best friends. She protected me from many creeps and perverts, but even she couldn’t prevent the occasional, terrifying choking. Or the sneaky attempts at condom removal that were so revolting I wanted to peel my skin off and vomit my insides out. I never knew what a man would do once the door was closed. Some of the verbal degradation was even worse than the physical.
One guy tried to remove the condom while pathetically attempting to hammer my vagina. When it slipped off, he kept trying to penetrate me, even though I could feel it was gone. I pushed him off me and ran to the bathroom, tears welling up in my eyes. I had to fish the thing out of myself, unsure if there was semen in it or not. He was banging on the door demanding to ‘see the trap,’ because he ‘paid money to finish,’ and goddammit he wasn’t ‘done yet.’ I was just a product to be consumed; it wasn’t even a human experience. All he wanted was to get his money’s worth. To finish. When I wouldn’t leave the bathroom, he ranted about me being a useless whore, who couldn’t even get him off.” (p. 272)
Megan Walker, the former Executive Director of the London, Ontario, Abused Women’s Centre asserts that “ending demand is the most effective tool police and society have to end prostitution, trafficking, and sexual exploitation.
No matter the Big Lie (i.e., sex work is work), prostitution is not a job like all others. In no other job would women and girls be exposed to the extreme physical, psychological, emotional violence and torture that prostituted and sexually exploited women and girls are subjected to daily.
In no other job are women expected to act out the fetish and porn-fuelled fantasies of men. In no other job do employers ask staff to engage in knife play, rape scenes, and unprotected sex.
Prostitution is not a job. It’s a physical and mental assault on women and girls who have no other options for survival. It must never be normalized. In truth, stronger legislation is needed to protect women and girls, along with more severe punishment for traffickers and those who live off the avails of prostitution.” (p. 351)
Heinz and King share the following caution from LucianN (2021), “If we accept that ‘sex work is work,’ the poor, low-educated, disabled, mentally-ill, addicted, migrants, refugees, homeless, victims of domestic violence, and all those who already fall through the cracks of our brutal unequal societies are going to be further pushed into prostitution whitewashed as ‘stable employment’.”
When Men Buy Sex, Who Really Pays? is a much-needed corrective to the dangerous, deceptive propaganda peddled by the United Nations and other powerful proponents of prostitution’s decriminalization.
References
Bhattacharjya, M., Fulu, E. and Murthy, L. with Seshu, M.S., Cabassi, J. and Vallejo-Mestres, M. (2015). The Right(s) Evidence – Sex Work, Violence and HIV in Asia: A Multi Country Qualitative Study. Bangkok: UNFPA, UNDP and APNSW (CASAM).
Farley, M. 2006. Prostitution, Trafficking, and Cultural Amnesia: What We Must Not Know in Order To Keep the Business of Sexual Exploitation Running Smoothly. Yale Journal of Law & Feminism. 18(1):109-144. https://openyls.law.yale.edu/bitstream/handle/20.500.13051/6946/07_18YaleJL_Feminism109_2006_.pdf?sequence=2&isAllowed=y
LucianN. 2021. Sex Work Should Never Be Considered A Career Choice. 7 November. Medium. https://medium.com/fourth-wave/sex-work-should-never-be-considered-a-career-choice-75ece2abd20c
UNAIDS. 2012. Guidance note on HIV and sex work. Geneva: Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS.
USA for UNFPA. No date. Like Everyone Else, Sex Workers Deserve Health Care. News. https://www.usaforunfpa.org/like-everyone-else-sex-workers-deserve-health-care/